cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
