I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
