I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize