I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
