Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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