it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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