You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
