You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize