4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
