Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize