her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
