I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
