I think i sorta joined a cult last night
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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