This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
