we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
