so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize