I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
