so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
