Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
