I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
