my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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