i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
