If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
