she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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