Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize