Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
