what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
