At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no, he came in my armpit
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
True college students do jello shots in the library
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
