he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
