i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
