just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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