i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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