I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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