I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
