Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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