you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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