He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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