Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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