Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
