I want to make a zoo with you.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
