my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
