the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
