You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
