We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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