SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
