just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
