Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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