one might say we're banned from that church
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
