i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
