I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
