Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
