i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
