i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Welp...herpes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
