I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
