I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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