Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just google imaged poop.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
