There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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