Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
