first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I looked at my own cervix.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
