It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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