I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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