I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
