Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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