the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
