I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize