community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
