So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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