I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
