did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
